i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize