As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
