I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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