o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
