well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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