what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
