I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
