Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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