So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
