Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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