before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
