his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
