pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
