I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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