All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
