What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
