Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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