accomplished twins. life is a go
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
