Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
