You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
