I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
