Its about making memories worth repressing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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