I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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