Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
