She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i've created a new STD.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
