I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
