my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need a beard to bite.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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