new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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