I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
