Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
