ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
