Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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