Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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