Who wears a wallet chain?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
