I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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