I faked an abortion last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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