Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
