And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
