Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
