I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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