I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
