i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
People in love make me want to vomit
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Randomize
