so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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