i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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