I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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