Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
