I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
