i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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