i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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