Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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